{"id":3170,"date":"2019-12-02T16:47:10","date_gmt":"2019-12-02T15:47:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aaanandha.com\/?p=3170"},"modified":"2019-11-29T16:52:36","modified_gmt":"2019-11-29T15:52:36","slug":"couples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aaanandha.com\/en\/uncategorized\/couples","title":{"rendered":"Couples"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-1 nonhundred-percent-fullwidth non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling\" style=\"--awb-background-position:left top;--awb-border-radius-top-left:0px;--awb-border-radius-top-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-left:0px;--awb-padding-bottom:60px;--awb-border-sizes-top:0px;--awb-border-sizes-bottom:0px;--awb-flex-wrap:wrap;\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-0 fusion_builder_column_1_6 1_6 fusion-one-sixth fusion-column-first fusion-no-small-visibility\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;--awb-margin-top:0px;width:13.3333%; margin-right: 4%;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\"><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-1 fusion_builder_column_2_3 2_3 fusion-two-third\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;--awb-margin-top:0px;width:65.3333%; margin-right: 4%;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-column-has-shadow fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\"><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-1 fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-three\"><h3 class=\"fusion-title-heading title-heading-left\" style=\"margin:0;\">Relationships<\/h3><span class=\"awb-title-spacer\"><\/span><div class=\"title-sep-container\"><div class=\"title-sep sep- sep-solid\" style=\"border-color:#e0dede;\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-1 texte-chapeau\"><p>I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.\u00a0I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-2\"><p>Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.<\/p>\n<p>As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.<\/p>\n<p>I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-3\"><p>Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so \u2026 much \u2026 more.<br \/>\nSadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace \u2013 or even see \u2013 what was so wildly wonderful about her.<\/p>\n<p>I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behaviour. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship \u2026 which still made me choose her even less.<\/p>\n<p>Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.<\/p>\n<p>She fought hard to make me choose her. That\u2019s a fool\u2019s task. You can\u2019t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.<\/p>\n<p>To be fair, she didn\u2019t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.<\/p>\n<p>I realise now, however, that she was often angry because she didn\u2019t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-4\"><p>Actually, I did abandon her.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-image-element fusion-image-align-center in-legacy-container\" style=\"text-align:center;--awb-caption-title-font-family:var(--h2_typography-font-family);--awb-caption-title-font-weight:var(--h2_typography-font-weight);--awb-caption-title-font-style:var(--h2_typography-font-style);--awb-caption-title-size:var(--h2_typography-font-size);--awb-caption-title-transform:var(--h2_typography-text-transform);--awb-caption-title-line-height:var(--h2_typography-line-height);--awb-caption-title-letter-spacing:var(--h2_typography-letter-spacing);\"><div class=\"imageframe-align-center\"><span class=\" fusion-imageframe imageframe-none imageframe-1 hover-type-none\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"167\" title=\"perqafime\" src=\"https:\/\/aaanandha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/perqafime-300x167.jpg\" alt class=\"img-responsive wp-image-3171\"\/><\/span><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-5\"><p>By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.<\/p>\n<p>Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll never not choose another woman I love again.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s torture for everyone.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:<br \/>\n\u201cWhy am I choosing my partner today?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you can\u2019t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart\u2019s truth, \u201cI just do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you can\u2019t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.<br \/>\nBut if too many days go by and you just can\u2019t connect with why you\u2019re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.<\/p>\n<p>Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.<br \/>\nYou do, too.\u00a0Choose wisely.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>~Bryan Reeves<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:40px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-2 fusion_builder_column_1_6 1_6 fusion-one-sixth fusion-column-last fusion-no-small-visibility\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;--awb-margin-top:0px;width:13.3333%;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\"><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3173,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3170","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Couples &#8211; 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